1.4.11

the matters at hand

The last few weeks have been pretty carefree.

I am in love with this girl

I've been enjoying Grandpa being here. Enjoying not working hard (long story). Enjoying realizing Nava is one year old. I'm a year older than when this journey started. And I've really enjoyed reveled in the fact that I'm happy with how we are, where we are, how Nava is.

I no longer note how it's been since I woke up before the term Down syndrome pops into my head. When a stranger asked me last night, "How are services here?" as a segway into discussing having a kid with special needs, I didn't brace or put on a fake face.I honestly feel like I can take deep breath and exhale slowly without holding something back.

It's great.

But there's a problem. A catch. A storm cloud. Pick your metaphor. Because while I'm off exhaling and enjoying, the list of to-dos hasn't gone away. The issues I need to chase down haven't sorted themselves out. The needs are still there. Yes, I successfully shut the door on them for a few weeks but now I've gotta put on my big girl/super woman panties and pull myself up super tall, puff my chest out and open that door again.

But now I'm going to go slay those dragons from the position of having had a few weeks of feeling OK, all right, in control even. I'm going to try to do it mindfully. Try to not let the dragon slaying trigger my anxiety. Try to keep the upper hand this time.

Wish me luck.

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