born
gently at home
25 June 2012
in the Year of the Dragon
on Monday
at 10.21 pm
3.7 kilos
56 centimeters
One day before my due date, I woke to two extremely mild cramps.
I excitedly checked for show and saw
only the tiniest hint of a suggestion of pink. Two hours later and no more nothing
and I wasn’t sure whether those had been Braxon-Hicks or just fake outs (I
never felt Braxton-Hicks contractions with my first and kept waiting to feel
them during this pregnancy). I needed
distraction and thankfully had plans with a newly-made friend, also pregnant
with her second child to come over for a swim with her daughter. My show
started to pick up and I began to allow myself to think things could get
exciting soon.
Early evening arrived after a quick grocery store run and I’d
had a handful of tiny contractions over the course of the day but it all added
up to nothing much. Sout cooked Nava’s dinner as I played around online and I
noticed I seemed to have had a couple of contractions sitting at the desk. So
at 6pm I fired up the contraction counter and dared it to show a pattern. An
hour later at 7pm I could finally announce it was beginning to look like labor;
they were coming 15 minutes apart and easy enough to sit still through though
they did catch my breath a bit. I called Erin to give her the news and we left
it with “so maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow.” I promised to go to bed early with
a DVD and get some rest. Nava had napped late so she was up playing and Beth, our
student midwife neighbor came over to get Sout to open some coconuts. Nava,
relishing her luck at being allowed to stay up and play after bathtime, was in
top form flirting and giggling and we all had a nice catch up sitting on the
porch. I was grinning broadly and I felt so blessed watching Nava so obviously
happy and in her element and it felt like such a great way to spend her last
night as a family of three.
Beth noticed I’d started squirming and rocking a bit during
the contractions as we sat out on the cold tile but I figured the discomfort
was just being amplified because of the hard surface. After Beth went home to
get rest in case we called her that night and I admitted to Supernanny Noi that
I seemed to be in labor. I laid down with Nava hoping to get her to sleep
before anything got more exciting. Stretched on the nice soft mattress however
did nothing to ease the pains and even my denialist brain had to admit they
were getting uncomfortable. After a few I finally gave up hopes of seeing Nava into
dreamland and asked Noi to stay with her so I could get up and move around.
At 8pm Erin and I had the following conversation via text:
“We are 10 mins or
slightly less between contractions now. Intensity wise they are starting to get
unpleasant but not hard to wiggle through.”
“Ok, have you filled the tub?”.
“No, was just debating.
Feel like if we do that, I am really having a baby”
“Well, guess we should tell you… You are having a baby!”
“Guess I still have a
little denial to work through”
“Understandable!”
“Sout is filling the
tub”
“Quick work on that denial”
“I’m a quick study”
And then it was Game On. Sout got the extra hose, started
boiling water and had the tub in order. The bag of supplies came out. I tidied the bathroom, putting away toothbrushes,
laying out towels, and lighting candles. I opened the huge shutters to the
night sky over the rice fields behind the villa and enjoyed the cool night air.
Room prepped, I turned my attention to myself. I tied my hair back, got undressed,
and took out my contacts. Sout took some pictures and we hugged quickly as he
continued to get things all ready. The room looked great by candlelight, the
tub was nearly full and I was getting really excited. I was completely confident
I was going to have the gentle birth I came to Bali seeking.
It was now 8:50. In the excitement of preparation my
contractions had gotten steadily quicker. Now they were only 5 minutes apart, but
they had halved in duration and intensity. I called and told Erin as much and
could tell that she, like me, though this could mean things weren’t really as progressed,
as the timing would otherwise seem to indicate. Then just after getting off the
phone, I had a real, full-length contraction 5 minutes after the last. It hurt.
It hurt enough to remind me of some of the harder parts of my first labor. I
texted Erin and then decided I was allowed to get in the tub and I was done
texting. I did keep timing contractions on
my phone though. Sout was still in and
out with his preparations but he came in to see me in the tub, took a few pictures
and I told him it was getting serious now.
I tried to get into a laboring mindset. I had labored alone
with Nava and going into my myself had been easy. It was surprising for me how
different it was to be doing it with company this time—even though the
‘company’ was my husband.
Getting in the tub was really nice but again it was a
strangely new feeling for me and it took some getting used to. The water was
really very hot thanks to the pot of boiled water Sout had topped it off with
and I was a little worried Ibu Robin would want me out or to cool it down. In
fact it was so warm I really only wanted to immerse in it when the contractions
hit. In between the pressure I was up on my knees with my belly out of the
water enjoying the cool night breeze coming in the huge window over the
bathtub.
By 9:30 Sout took the last picture of me laboring alone in
the tub, the midwives had all arrived, and I timed my last contraction-one and
a half minutes apart, 47 seconds long. I explained how I was feeling and
apologized for the super hot tub. Heart tones were checked with the Doppler and
I hated the noise. The contractions quickly cut off further chit chat and I
again tried to work on getting focused. I told Sout, “I have to stop talking
now. I need to meditate.”
I quickly found that I liked leaning way out over the side
of the pool and into the bathtub towards Sout. This was a completely new experience
for me as well—to have my husband supporting me in labor. It felt incredibly
reassuring. I remember being impressed at how good he was as Daddy Doula it and
the instant relief he could make me feel. It was quickly apparent he’d been
paying close attention when we’d reviewed comfort techniques a couple of days
earlier. He was doing just about every possible thing I could hope for. He quickly
took my hands and started doing the pressure point in my thumb-finger webbing
I’d shown him. When a contraction came on and I started clenching up, he leaned
over close to my face and breathed slowly with me to encourage me to be calm
and whispered gently to me to relax my jaw. He even managed to come up with
ice-cold washcloths to wipe my face.
It got harder to just drape over the tub and enjoy Sout’s
support through the contractions. The pain level was increasing and the pain
was coming from incrementally lower in my pelvis. In hindsight, I assume I was
in transition though at the time I didn’t really think of it as such. I could
no longer talk; I could barely open my eyes and I could hear everything. I
distinctly loathed hearing Robin and Erin chatting nearby and when they left
the room I growl whispered to Sout that he had to make them stop talking to
each other—and to me.
I was in my own world as I took on the pain. I ordered Sout
out of the bathtub (near my head) and into the birth pool to give counter
pressure on my back. It was another new labor experience for me—and one I
appreciated tremendously. He tried to go back to my head when the contraction
was over but that left him not giving pressure when the next one began and I
got mad at him for leaving ‘his post’. I then ordered him (transition,
remember?) to not leave my back no matter what.
The pain was sharp now and I was popping up from my kneeling
in the water just from the stab of them in my lower pelvis. I pushed down on
the sides of the tub, locking my wrists and grimacing at their peaks. I managed
to slosh a lot of water out of the pool doing this but I reflexively knew at
this point that labor was almost over and so preserving the pool set up
mattered very little now. I was not verbally communicative at all any more. I could
so clearly feel my baby move lower in my pelvis with each contraction I felt no
need to ask how I was doing. It seemed so obvious to me that I would be pushing
soon that I didn’t even think to tell anyone.
Erin announced she was going to try to take heart tones
again. Fine by me, I thought. But then she turned on the Doppler and pressed it
to me and it was so horribly loud with the worst nails-on-the-chalkboard static
and hiss you could even imagine. I screamed, “I hate it!”, unable to explain any
better than that.
At this point, it must have been about 10 pm. With each wave
of pressure I continued feeling my baby’s progress down and out of my body. I
think it was possible because of the calm of the quiet room. I relished being
able to feel so intimately how the birth was occurring inside, unseen. It was
so different from the chaotic hospital transition of my first birth.
The pushing feeling began to sneak in at the end of my
contractions and I went with it. But again, it was different. I was on my hands
and knees, not my back. I hadn’t asked anyone’s permission nor was I awaiting
their instructions of how to do it “right”. I began burying my head into Ibu
Robin and bearing down. My mouth was closed and I had no urge to yell, much to
my surprise. It felt better than the previous contractions; I find the feeling
it hard to describe. An intense, intimate pressure commanded my attention. With
each push I felt my baby’s body descend. Quickly, I could feel him in the birth
canal.
At this point, Erin asked if I was pushing. Ha! Yes. Yes, I am. I was incredulous
she didn’t know but in retrospect, it makes sense—it must have been hard to
believe just how quick it was all going really. She reminded me to go slow,
slow. Slow. They asked for permission to put some flowers in the water like
they do at the birth center. And then, so soon, I could feel his head on my perineum.
The ring of fire feeling was completely outshined by the intensity of the
sensation—my whole baby right there, just on the edge of being born. It was
incredibly otherworldly. They encouraged me to reach down and feel his head but
there was no way I could move my arms from the position they were in. Besides,
since I knew exactly what the baby was doing so I didn’t feel the need to touch
him just yet. I think it was right around this point I got a little break.
Contractions spaced out and I could actually relax a tiny bit. It felt
wonderful and definitely gave me a boost for what was coming.
Robin tried to get my bra off so the baby could nurse right
away but it was an ill-fated attempt. I tried to allow them to get it off but
finally the distraction was just too annoying to bear once the next contraction
set it. Again, my faculty of speech wasn’t fully operational and all I could
communicate was a yell of ”Don’t Fuck!”.
Crude but effective and the hands stopped pulling at my bra.
Erin explained that the water in the tub had gotten low and
I was going to need to sink down lower into the water rather than being upright
on my knees like I was if I wanted to deliver in the tub (babies breathe for
the first time when they feel air so they must be kept fully in or fully out of
the water for birth). I understood exactly what she was worried about and I
knew I couldn’t sink down because I wouldn’t have anyway to brace to push from
that position. I’d never been deeply set on actually birthing in the water
anyways so I agreed to move to the bed. As I did a contraction came on and we had
consensus—get this one over and we’ll help you to the bed.
Only with “this one” his head was born.
Erin told me to push his body out with the next contraction
but strangely the next one came and went without a pushing urge so I waited.
Then the next rushed in and I pushed his shoulders through and then his body
slipped right out. I knew the baby was safe with his dad and I knew most of my
job was over and I just started taking deep breaths. I couldn’t yet open my
eyes and I could barely feel my arms, wrists, and hands. They offered me the
baby to hold but there was no way I could have done so yet. I needed a lot of help
to slowly flip around in the tub. Only then could I look. I opened my eyes and
saw Sout sitting in front of me in the tub, holding our son, wearing a huge
smile, utterly transfixed. Like Nava, Loka was calm with his eyes open and
looking around. I stared as my eyes welled up and I started saying “oh baby oh
baby oh baby…”. I was sobbing and trying to take it all in. Finally my
attention came back to myself and I asked for help to massage the blood back
into my wrists so I could finally reach out to touch him. But I still didn’t
feel confident enough to hold him. Besides, I couldn’t imagine taking him out
of Sout’s arms at that point.
I concentrated of taking deep breaths and returning back to
the ‘real world’ for the next few moments. My bottom hurt and I could feel the
placenta needing to come out. I took a little longer to gather my composure and
then pushed it out in two pushes. The placenta was quickly scooped into a large
bowl to allow it to follow Loka around easily, very extended delayed cord
clamping being the plan. I was quickly helped to my feet and shuffled slowly to
my bed. I needed a few stiches for a small tear. I was disappointed (I hate
being sewn!) but the best way to get through it was to be distracted by my baby.
Sout climbed in bed next to me to cuddle me through the stiches and put Loka on
my chest. Loka took to nursing immediately with a great latch and a powerful
suck that took me by surprise. Time started to slow down and I could begin to
process that…
It was only 11pm
Birth was done
I was nursing my
son
My daughter had
slept though it
I was in my own
bed snuggling my family
Postscript
Sout had the tub draining immediately and by midnight
everyone had packed and gone, with plans to return the next morning for the
newborn exam and cord separation. Nava woke just after everyone left and had a
preliminary meeting with her brother but she was still sleepy and confused as
to what was going on. We called grandparents and skyped the cousins back in
Lao. I had some of banana bread and coconut water tucked in bed and we turned
out the lights around 1 am as a family of four.
What an amazing, beautiful story of his birth!! Congratulations, all of you!!
ReplyDeleteHurrah Kells! And great work all of you... Can't wait to meet Loka! When do you think you'll be back in VTE? Any guestimates yet?? We're back around August 3... xxxx Emma and Gregoire
ReplyDeleteIt's going to take me a while to talk normally ;-), so wonderful, thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful birth story. My friend Meriah told me about your blog and said that you and I have a few things in common. I also have a child with Ds, and I gave birth at home as well on June 23 (my third home birth). http://lisamorguess.wordpress.com/2012/06/26/thebirthofscarlettrose/
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the birth of your son!
Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy! What a wonderful birth experience!
ReplyDeleteLaura
downsyndromeupupupandaway.blogspot.com
Congratulations and wonderful birth story! You definitely brought tears to my eyes Kelley
ReplyDeleteGod bless your family. I loved the details in your story, i felt like i was in there and got my eyes wet. In a couple months I hope everything will be alright to have myself a water birth. You inspired me!
ReplyDeleteLiz
www.StarryNightMidwife.com
ReplyDeleteI have posted your story here to inspire others!